You are currently browsing the monthly archive for February 2010.
Two priests walk into a bar
Two priests carrying Bibles walk into a bar
Two priests, one dressed like a Viking and carrying Bibles, walk into a bar
“For crying out loud… I need some inspiration!” Jordy pounded the keys on his computer. “My editor is going to be so pissed off if I miss this deadline.”
“Are you talking to me?” Gary called from the kitchen. “I can’t hear you over the dishwasher. What do you need?”
“I need an idea for this piece that’s due on Thursday. It’s supposed to be a lighthearted story for Lent, but all I can come up with are religious jokes that are wrong on so many levels.”
“Oh, baby, come here,” Gary soothed, walking into the living room and pulling Jordy’s head to his broad chest. “It will come to you, it always does.”
Jordy wrapped his arms around Gary’s waist and nuzzled in to the dark exotic scent of his lover’s ebony skin. “You always smell so good, Babe. Mmmmm, look at what you do to me.” Jordy leaned back so Gary could see the growing bulge in his jeans. “Why don’t I just work on my article tomorrow and we can go back to bed?”
A slow lazy smile bloomed on Gary’s face as he pulled out of their embrace. “I wish, Lover Boy, but I will be late for my meeting if I don’t leave now. That never ending Emmet vs. Bailey case is going back to court and I have to deposition the witnesses this morning.” Gary leaned down and planted a quick kiss on Jordy’s pouting mouth, “Good luck with your article though, I’m sure you’ll find inspiration somewhere.”
The forced exhale that left Jordy’s lips followed Gary into the hallway. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see,” Gary’s voice echoed back as he left the house.
Ya, easy for you to say, Jordy thought as he stared blankly at the closed door.
A momentary spark of jealous resentment flared in Jordy. Damn Gary for having someplace to go instead of being stuck in the land of lost inspiration.
Shifting his gaze to the computer and watching the cursor blink expectantly, Jordy’s fingers hovered.
Two Bible salesmen
Two Bible salesmen looking to get down and dirty
Shit. Jordy’s head slumped on his shoulders. He was stuck. Really stuck. Like quagmire stuck. If he didn’t find something to write about soon, he might as well just blow off this week’s article and accept the wrath of his editor. Lord knows he felt like it.
Hoisting himself from his chair in frustration, Jordy prowled around the room trying to get his juices flowing. Feeling like a caged lion, he glanced out the window and across the lawn.
Whoa…what is this? Jordy stopped dead in his tracks while his voyeuristic tendencies kicked into high gear from the action he caught going on through the neighbor’s kitchen window. The lovely widowed Loraine was sitting on her kitchen counter naked except for a tiny apron tied around her waist and black patent leather spiked stilettos with straps that laced around and around her legs all the way up to her thighs. Her face was filled with a mixture of yearning fascination and a lot of mischief as she waved a spatula around in the air.
Jordy slunk back into the shadows of his living room so he could watch without the chance of being caught. He wasn’t attracted to Loraine, even though she was indeed a beautiful woman. He was interested in what Loraine was whooping it up about.
She obviously had company, as the powder blue Prius parked in her driveway was definitely not her car. Loraine wouldn’t be caught dead driving that whirr of a vehicle. She was all about the power. Her ride of choice was a fire red ROUSH 429R Mustang. Only 100 of them built and she let everyone know just how special it was. “Like I am, Sugar,” she would tell anyone who’d listen.
Jordy’s attention was drawn off the car in the driveway and onto the man who just stepped in front of Loraine. He was naked and was tightly flexing his ass muscles as Loraine’s legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him in.
Jordy watched as she laid claim to the guy’s shoulders and spun him around so his ass was nestled in her crotch. Bingo! The man was sporting a hard-on the size of a porn star and he had rings clamped to his nipples with a length of chain holding them both hostage. Jordy’s cock punched the inside of his zipper with the force of an MMA fighter going after an opponent and he couldn’t take his eyes from the scene next door if he wanted to.
Loraine pushed the guy forward so he was bent at the waist then lifted that spatula high in the air. Whack! Jordy’s stiffness deflated a little and a rush of air broke free of his lungs as a flash of sympathy pain flooded his body. The guys’ reaction was the exact opposite as he was still touching his toes and offering his goods to the woman on the counter. Loraine went right ahead and took what was offered and continued her spatula thrashing on the poor SOB, while the Washington Monument between his legs continued to stand proudly.
Jordy was spellbound. Not only did the man’s massive size captivate him, but he’d never witnessed a dominatrix in action before. Not even on DVD. That kind of thing had never interested him. Well, guess what… he was most definitely interested in it now.
Loraine stopped her spanking and grabbed the guy by his hair, pulling him upright. She jumped from the counter-top and circled around her prey.
His giant member strained and twitched for some recognition as Loraine grabbed his wrists. Ignoring the demanding flagpole waving at her belly, she pulled his arms behind him and handcuffed them at his lower back.
Winding around his body, Loraine found the chain connecting the guy’s nipples and took it between her lips. Pulling it along with her, Loraine stood tiptoe and gave the guy a kiss, transferring the gold links from her lips to his. He took it between his teeth and threw his head backwards, extending his nipples. His cock flexed so hard it hit him in his stomach.
Loraine threw her own head back in apparent pleasure and then slowly dragged the edge of the spatula up and down his body. He shivered uncontrollably.
Removing the gold chain from the man’s mouth, she reached into her apron pocket and withdrew another long gold cable. Pulling him forward so he was again doubled in half, Loraine attached one end of the cable to the links of gold still suspended between his nipples. She dropped the other end of the cable down to his penis and looped it tightly around the head, completing the bondage.
Pulling a kitchen chair in front of her captive, Loraine sat down, raised her legs and propped her 5” spikes on his wide shoulders. She ground her heels in and opened herself wide revealing her hidden treasure. Sheer lust flashed in his eyes right before Loraine covered them with a blindfold. She jerked his gold constraints with one hand and with her other, yanked his head forward into her sex.
A moan escaped Jordy’s lips and he realized his own erection had come back full force. He undid his zipper and released himself from the tight confines of his pants. The cool stroke of his palm was a relief against his throbbing heat and he roughly squeezed the tip of his manhood, curious to feel the pleasure pain he was witnessing.
Jordy’s gaze returned to Loraine and her submissive and he fell into a vicious rhythm of strokes, matching the bobbing of the man’s head between his mistress’s thighs.
A fierce urgency overtook Jordy and he closed his eyes as he pulled and tugged himself into a staggering frenzy. He pawed at his nipple until it became a flesh pebble on his chest, then he took it between his fingers and rolled and stretched it into an angry red.
The abuse he inflicted upon himself drew out an unparalleled gratification and his sex exploded into the room. Jordy bellowed in relief as he convulsed with pleasure.
He collapsed exhausted onto the sofa, panting heavily and still holding onto his punished member. When his heartbeat returned to normal, he lifted his head with tremendous effort and looked down with amusement at his persecuted flesh. A rush of forbidden excitement coursed through his body. “Where the hell did that come from?” he asked the flaccid thing lying on his stomach.
Gathering himself together and reaching for the tissues to start the cleanup, Jordy jumped when his cell phone rang. Looking at the caller id, he flipped the thing open with a smile. “Hey Baby.”
“Hey, Lover Boy,” Gary whispered into the phone. “Have you found inspiration for your article?”
“As a matter of fact, I have,” Jordy chuckled. “I’m going to write about observing things around you. And, if you’re lucky, you just might learn something new! I’ll tell you all about it at HAPPY HOUR tonight. You’re going to love it.”
Special Rough
1 ½ ounces Brandy
1 ½ ounces Apple Brandy
2 dashes Pernod
Pour ingredients into a mixing glass filled with ice. Stir. Strain into chilled martini glass.
Enjoy!
I’ve been following a lot of cooking blogs lately… and to my sheer delight…
most of the chefs are men!
Nothing is sexier for me than to have a man cook and then hand feed me what he’s put so much passion into perfecting. Picture warm melted butter from the lobster tail he just put into your mouth, escaping slowly down your chin and onto your neck. His eyes follow its progress hungrily. He leans forward, flattening his warm tongue on your skin and laps that butter from the sensitive hollow at the base of your throat, right up your chin and back onto your lips where it belongs. Delicious.
Below are a few of my favorite pictures of men in the kitchen. I’d love for you to send me some of you to post! 
Only a painting... but, please, who wouldn't want one?
Welcome to my kitchen, see anything you like?
My apron might say kiss the cook, but that's not where I'd like you to do it.
I could use some help with this oil.
Want more?
Whip it good.
Rainbow Cookies
Wouldn't want to leave anyone behind, it's Happy Hour!
Sex in the Kitchen
1 ounce Coconut Rum
1 ounce Chambord
Pineapple Juice
Combine ingredients in glass filled with ice. Shake. Garnish with a cherry.
Enjoy!
“You’re really pissed off Katrina, aren’t you?”
My brother questioned me casually as he took another bite out of his ham and cheese sandwich. “But, you just don’t know how to scratch that itch.”
His lazy grin was going to make me explode if I didn’t watch myself. The hell I didn’t know how to express my anger. I was just willing to bet that he didn’t want to see me express it in the way I would like. So…. I held my tongue. Something that is undeniably difficult for me. To say the least.
I sat at the kitchen table, watching Samuel linger over his lunch, a feat most Europeans seemed to have mastered. And the years Samuel spent studying in Italy obviously taught him to adopt this practice as his own. But not me, I am very proud of being an impatient American. I get food, I eat and I go on with my life. The nomenclature about taking your time and savoring your meal was lost on me.
“My god Samuel, would you please just eat your sandwich and be done with it? We still have a lot of work ahead of us and I feel like it won’t get done if we keep lolly-gagging around.”
“Take it easy, woman. We’ve got plenty of time. No one is arriving for hours.”
Samuel swept up the remnants of his lunch and threw them in the garbage, giving me hope that we could soon return to our task. He intentionally tested my patience when he paused by the fireplace, grabbed a poker and stirred the coals.
“Can’t have the fire going out on us, now can we?” he smirked.
I could feel my face turn to stone. I was fuming in my boots. The screams inside my head were clawing to get out… You …arrogant …little … bastard! What the hell are you doing? Lucky for my little brother, I was a lady and I would never say those things to his face. Well, not today, anyway.
“Now, now, Kat… take it easy… don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m ready.”
“Don’t call me Kat… You know I don’t like that.”
“What are you talking about? I’ve been calling you that all our lives.”
“Well, we’re not eight years old anymore, are we?”
“No, Kat… we’re not. We are grown adults setting up for our parents’ anniversary party. Now, c’mon and hurry up… we’re running out of time.” He stopped laughing when my right jab caught him in the arm.
Once outside, my anger totally dissipated. The backyard garden looked like a winter wonderland. The crystal party decorations hanging from the trees sparkled like diamonds in the brilliant February sun. Evergreens gracefully embraced their burden of the night’s fresh snowfall, throwing a calm serenity around like it was a Disney movie.
Samuel grabbed a box of lights. “Show me where you want these hung, Sis.”
“From there to there and then there to there,” I said pointing. “And swag them, you know? Like a billowy curtain.”
“Ooooooh… like a billowy curtain…” he mocked.
I swung and missed.
“Too slow, KAT! HaHa!” He turned and promptly fell over the folded chairs lying on the ground. Justice had been served.
The guests started arriving at twilight, that gloriously romantic time of day that painters are always trying to capture. The ‘sweet light’, they call it. A fact certainly not lost on my Mom. She’d always had the knack to plan everything right down to the most discriminatory detail. And guaranteed, she’d wanted their anniversary party to scream romantic… in a soft, subtle way, of course. But I had to admit she’d outdone herself. Everything looked perfect.
As if on cue, Mom glanced up and waved from across the snowy garden. Her radiant smile was in pure harmony with the beauty of her white fur-trimmed Vera Wang wool ball gown. Dad stood beside her in his contrasting black Versace tuxedo. What a handsome pair, Katrina thought. And to be so lucky in love after 30 years!
Frowning at the lack of her own love life, Katrina looked around for a waiter carrying a tray of champagne. Spying one through the myriad of ice sculptures, she picked up the hem of her gown and headed in his direction.
Samuel nearly collided with her as he surreptitiously stepped from the shadows of the trees surrounding the garden. He was suspiciously tucking his shirt into his pants and chuckling softly. Following closely behind was Linny, wiping her mouth and giggling uncontrollably. They both pulled up short when they saw Katrina.
“Oh, hey, Sis.” Samuel blushed profusely.
Katrina cocked an eyebrow, “Samuel.”
“Ummmm, you know Linny, right?”
“Yes, we’ve met. How are you, Linny?”
Looking completely flummoxed in her sudden shade of scarlet and unable to stop herself from giggling, Linny ducked her head and stumbled back to the party.
“That was interesting, Samuel. Having fun in the woods?”
A consummate look of complete satisfaction crossed Samuel’s face. “Ya, Kat. More than you could possibly imagine.”
Katrina agreed with her little brother, shook her head with a smile and continued on her way to find that waiter.
When Samuel and Linny emerged from the woods, he was hoping he could groom himself a little before rejoining the party. Oh, well. If he had to run into someone, he was glad it was Katrina. She never exercised her right as big sister to question his actions. And thank goodness for that! What would he have told her? It was obvious he was fixing his pants when she saw him.
Samuel paused for a moment to recall the pleasure Linny had just given him. Man, she was good. She just pulled him into the woods and took charge. Not that Samuel would have resisted or anything. But her being in total command really turned him on.
Linny pushed Samuel backward towards the ice-covered tree trunk. He could barely contain his excitement as she shoved hard on his chest. Her mouth was wet and hot on his and their tongues entwined like lovers. The impact of his back colliding with the tree jolted them both, enhancing the dangerous excitement of the moment. If anyone caught them, it would be an unbearable embarrassment for his parents.
Linny was on her knees in a moment, not caring in the least about the snow on her dress. She wanted him in her mouth. Now.
His zipper snagged in the cold, forcing her to jerk it up and down to get it open. Samuel moaned at the movement and shoved his hands into Linny’s soft curls.
The zipper finally gave way and Samuel’s sex sprung from his boxers hard and ready. Linny threw Samuel a look of admiring approval.
She took him hungrily into her mouth, moving all the way down to the base. Samuel’s head dropped back onto the tree and he slumped down in his stance, taking every effort to stay on his feet.
Linny’s lips slowly retreated to the tip of his staff, nearly taking him out of her mouth and eliciting a pleading groan from Samuel. She cupped his hardness in both of her hands and started to stroke. Her lips followed the movement and she fell into a steady rhythm of up and down.
Samuel’s clasp on Linny’s hair tightened and he moved his hips into her. He was on the verge and wanted to get deep inside, but her hands cupped to the base of his penis were keeping him from penetrating her throat any further.
Suddenly Linny paused. She released her grasp and placed her hands firmly on Samuel’s gyrating hips to still them. Samuel’s head jerked away from the tree and he cast a beseeching look down at her. Linny looked up and gave him the sweetest of smiles.
“Bitch…” Samuel panted.
Keeping her eyes locked on his, Linny returned her lips to Samuel’s pulsing sex. She purred deep in her throat and resumed her rhythm.
Samuel couldn’t delay any longer. The heat in his groin was burning him from the inside out. He felt the surge flowing up through his body and exploding inside his head. Throwing his head back into the tree, he cried out in release.
Katrina nudged his shoulder.
“Here,” she said, handing him a flute of champagne. “Linny is looking for you. And wipe that grin off your face and join the party. It’s HAPPY HOUR.”
Head Banger
1 ounce 151-proof Rum
1 ounce Sambuca
dash of Grenadine
Add ingredients to an ice filled cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously. Strain into a shot glass.
Enjoy!
~ Are you awake? ~
Ya. What’s up?
I can’t sleep.
Why not?
I keep thinking of you.
Oh, really?
Ya. Really.
What are you thinking?
I keep thinking how much I like you.
Oh ya?
Ya.
Actually, I think I lust you.
You what?
I lust you.
You lust me?
That’s right.
O …. K ….
C’mon, you know that… right?
I’d hoped that.
Well… your hopes have been fulfilled.
That’s good news.
I thought you’d like to hear that.
I do…. I lust you too.
I know. That’s why it’s a problem.
Why is that a problem? Don’t you want me to lust after you too?
Yes… but….
But, what?
Now I can’t possibly ever see you again.
What the hell are you talking about? You have to see me again.
Why?
Why?!?
Yes. Why?
I don’t know why. You just have to. You lust me… I lust you. Why the hell wouldn’t we see each other again?
It wouldn’t be good.
You’re frustrating.
I know.
…………..
…………..
So, now what do we do?
I don’t know. Just keep going like we’re going, I guess.
I guess…. But what are we doing?
I have absolutely no fucking clue.
Me neither.
So.
So.
I guess that’s it then.
Ya… I guess it has to be.
OK.
Fine.
But, I still lust you.
I know. I lust you too.
So,then. Business as usual?
Yes.
OK. What are you and your boyfriend doing after work tomorrow?
Nothing. Why?
Wanna get together?
OK. Sure.
Wanna meet at the bar or something?
Sure.
OK.
OK, I’ll tell him we’re meeting you.
Good… I could sure use a good HAPPY HOUR.
Ya… me too.
See you tomorrow then.
OK. See you.
He Said...She Said...