Vineyard Road

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♣  The 3rd Annual Posting ♣

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There was a girl from the City,

who the boys thought was really pretty.

They wined her and dined her

but only to find her

sporting a nine inch ditty.

“But, boys,” she would say,

“don’t go away.

There’s so much I can do for you.

I’ve got what you need,

no need to plead,

I’m more than willing to screw you.”

“I mean… have you screw me,

in anyway you please,

your pleasure is my intent.

So, relax while you can,

I’m not really a man.

Well – only to some extent.”

The boys said, “What?”

“That’s some kind of cock

hanging between your thighs.

You put most men to shame

bringing that kind of game

with your girth in addition to size.”

“But, I’m under a spell!

I really can’t tell

because it would add more years,

to this curse I am under,

it’s really a blunder,

I’m a woman with a man’s set of gears.”

“Ya, ya… OK…” the men would say.

Certainly no one believed it.

The penis that hung strapped like a gun

on the woman who said she didn’t need it.

“It was the Leprechauns!

Those mad little pawns

of magic and mystery and cash.

I found their pot

of gold in a spot

that was hidden with most of their stash.”

“They cursed me then,

gave me two score and ten

to be in a man’s set of shoes.

Said maybe I’d learn

what it feels like to yearn,

only ending with balls that are blue.”

“You’re joking, right?

You didn’t put up a fight

against those men dressed in green?

With hair of red,

you’ve nothing to dread,

they’re not bad, they just look kinda mean.”

“OK, OK… what ever you say,

I guess you just think it’s silly.

Whatever I do,

the fact still is true,

I’m a woman endowed with a Willie.”

Then, from the rear

of the crowd gathered here,

a deep voice cut through it all.

“Twas the Leprechaun’s, it was

who caused all this buzz,

giving her a man’s set of balls!”

“They did the same in reverse

to me – I am cursed.

I have that woman’s vajayjay.

They thought it was fun to take my gun

and attach it to her as a waylay.”

“From what, you may ask?

From life!  And it’s task

of living and loving and fun.

She found their gold

and from what I’m told,

she didn’t even tell anyone.”

“But, that mattered not,

in their trap she was caught,

the gold still in her hand.

So they cast a spell,

now no one can tell,

Is she woman?

Or is she man?”

“From a thousand miles away,

the curse came into play

against my man parts, you see.

They did a switch

and left an itch

where my balls ought to be.”

“I was caught by surprise

and I couldn’t surmise

what, indeed had happened to me.

My manhood was gone,

replaced by a thong

and now, I sit to pee.”

“For years I’ve searched

to end this curse

of this woman’s part on me.

And, now it will end –

come closer, my friend,

and I’ll tell you what shall be.”

“The magic within us can be reversed.

The Leprechauns used a mild curse

to switch our parts

from me to you.

And here is what we have to do.”

“If we lay together on St. Patrick’s Day,

in a field of clover down Blarney Way,

At the stroke of one,

it will come undone,

when we utter these words this way.”

“My part is mine own,

not hers or his,

not to be switched

like some side show biz.

I do unto it,

what is right for me.

It’s not a toy for some Leprechauns glee.”

“By laying together

and joining the two,

your part to me

and my part to you,

we’ll undo the magic

that curses us here.

And we’ll have HAPPY HOURS

for the rest of our years!”

Leprechaun

2 ounces Irish Whiskey

tonic water

Fill rocks glass with ice. Add whiskey. Fill with tonic. Garnish with lemon twist.

Enjoy!